Labels: Unattractive...........

This one goes along with the first ones. In my head, being chubby, fat, "big boned" or whatever moniker you put on it, is just not attractive.

I know I am pretty. At least I feel pretty when I look in a mirror, after I put on my makeup and do my hair. But being pretty and being attractive are two very different things. I feel that being attractive means that people will actually stop and take a second look at you. That never happens to me. I attribute it to my body shape. It seems to me that if you have blond hair, big boobs, and skinny waist, you are considered attractive, even if you have a plain face. Any girl who is chubby, no matter how pretty she is, is just a "fat chick".

I don't come by these observations arbitrarily either. I have heard it. I have overheard guys talking. I have heard guys talking in conversations where I am included. The media portrays it all over the place. I felt the sting of it when my ex-husband (pick either one) would turn his head and watch a thin, blond, big chested woman walk by, forgetting that I was even in his presence. Every time he would drool after some movie star on TV. I used to hear from them, "its just a guy thing"....but they didn't seem to understand the damage it did, even though I would tell them. The constant feeling of not being good enough.

I have had one relationship in my life where the man was not like this. He treated me with respect, love and kindness. He told me several times a day how beautiful I was. Always begging for pictures, not just the ones where I was all "fixed up" but every day pictures, no makeup, etc.....he loved to look at me. He loved ME. He made me feel beautiful. I remember actually feeling beautiful when I was with him. The funny thing about that, I remember OTHER people taking that second look at me then. It really is about how one FEELS. I have been fortunate to have been able to reconnect with this man recently. He still thinks I am beautiful. How wonderful is that????