Thursday, December 21, 2006

Label: not well liked........

Not well liked......

What does it mean to be well liked? I supposed it is different things to different people. Does it mean that you have many friends? I am not so sure.

I have a lot of acquaintances. People I work with, people whose children go to school with mine, patients I have cared for in the hospital, people I have met online, people who were friends in my youth, whom I have limited contact with anymore. All acquaintances.......none really friends.....none I would share my intimate details of my life with.

That wasn't always the case though. I used to have a lot of friends. People I considered trustworthy enough to tell everything to. I learned the hard way that this is not necessarily the best thing in the world to have. I found out that even though they people called me "friend", that I was not well liked by them. Why??? was my burning question. What is it that I had done that caused them to dislike me so?

For example, in 1997 I was expecting a baby. I was not thrilled with the news of the pregnancy, it came at a time when my husband and were having a lot of difficulties in our marriage. I was in a state of depression still from the birth of my previous son barely a year before. Then, I found out that the baby I was carrying had a birth defect that was incompatible with life. I shared this story and my pain with a lot of people who were my "friends". People from a chatting community where I had always felt "well liked". Friends from my youth. Even in my own family. The reactions were underwhelming. The online friends really being the worst. They were so supportive to my face.......only to doubt my story and talk about me behind my back. Actually accusing me lying about this horrific experience. I was obviously not well liked to have my "friends" use my personal tragedy as fodder for their gossip. I am still in contact with a few of those people, one in particular who still puts up the facade of caring and friendship, only to cut me down behind my back.

Where I work, I used to always feel that people did not care for me. I am not sure why that was either. I always do my job to the best of my ability, always ready to lend a helping hand when I can. There were a few that could make me feel so very unwelcome. I always let that overshadow my whole day. Until I went on maternity leave. When I came back, I was making a bed with a co-worker. She said to me, "We are sure glad to have you back here, we missed you". In that one instant, my whole outlook changed. I realized I was well liked, by a lot of the staff anyway. I was appreciated. That revelation for me made all the difference. It makes going to work easier, I feel that I actually have people there who care about me. Makes work so much more enjoyable.

So, in your dealings with people, be careful what you do, as you never know when you could be shattering the very fragile psyche of someone. Treat others with respect, you never know what you make get back in return.

I feel I have shaken the label of Not Well Liked fairly well. A lot of it is making sure you surround yourself with people who do actually like you, and block out the ones that only want to gather the dirt on you.

1 comment:

Desiree said...

Yes, it's really best to be extremely picky about who you let into your life. I agree whole heartedly! I find that negative people will just suck the life right out of you so I'm very careful about who I become friends with. Which is why I don't have too many. I think its far better to have one or two very close freinds than to have many friends who aren't as close. However, I do realize that some people are more happy with groups and don't like the friendships quite as close. I'll also admit I don't get those kind of people. LOL