Chubby Girl, Fat Chick, Chunky Monkey, Big Girl
all labels that I have given myself. I call myself these things, to show others that I do not hold some false idea of myself. I know I am not thin, I know I am not society's idea of sexy and beautiful......I don't want people who may judge me, to think that I am not aware of this fact.
I want to feel sexy and beautiful in this skin. I am just not sure how to change my thought process. I see other large women, and I have those same negative thoughts about them. "Who does she think she is wearing something like that?" "Doesn't she know that isn't attractive?" But who am I to say what is or isn't attractive to her. To her mate. What things have happened to her in her life that tell her it is okay to look like that, that she can be proud and not hide herself from the world? What things have happened in mine to tell me it ISN'T okay??
I want to get into her head and see what she thinks, how she perceives herself and others. I want to know how to get this kind of self love for myself. I need to get my own mind together and be able to accept myself for what I am........and love myself for it. I am a good person, I am a healthy person, I am an intelligent person, why can't I just be happy with myself?
This is not to say that I want carte blanc to be able to gain and gain and gain more weight, that is not what I want at all. I want to be able to love myself enough the way I am, and maybe then in turn I will stop hiding myself from the world. If anyone has any good suggestions as to how to get this task accomplished, I would gladly embrace them.