Tuesday, January 9, 2007

Today, things are feeling a little easier.........

I am feeling good today. I feel happy. I feel pretty. I feel loved. I feel energetic.

I don't know what has really caused all these good feelings, outside of a pretty good nights sleep, and the fact that the killer headache I had yesterday was gone when I woke up this morning.

My moods at times seem so labile. I swing from highs to lows, dependant on my work schedule, my body schedule, my environment. At one time, during my depression and during a session with a psychiatrist, he asked me if I thought myself as bi-polar. I actually laughed at him, saying, "I only wish I could have one manic day in my life to accomplish something" I know I am not bi-polar, because bi-polar cannot be cured, it can only be controlled. I am not on medication, I have not been on medication since January 2003. I am not depressed, nor am I manic. For the first time in my life, I feel.......normal.

I still have issues with my self esteem, that is what this exercise is all about. Writing out my insecurities, in the hopes of being able to read them and see them for what they are, to be able to get past them and really start living my life to its fullest potential. Not allowing myself to bind myself against what I really want out of my life.

I do not just write here, hoping people will read. I write here, to make my thoughts tangible. I read, re-read, and re-read again the words I write. I try to read it from different perspectives, as myself, as a stranger, as someone who loves me.......to see what my words do to affect those around me. That is why your comments, positive or negative are so important to me. I know there are a lot of people reading here, I can see it in my stats, but so few comment. This national delurkers week, so please, let me know you are here.

Today, what I like about me........I have some pretty damn incredible eyes.

4 comments:

Desiree said...

I just saw your new picture on your comment at my blog and I did comment there about it but I just had to come right over here and say something too! Iris you look so beautiful!!! Whatever, you are doing keep it up cause it's really working! I'm so happy for you!

Anonymous said...

Iris, You are beautiful and I have a feeling you always where. You just needed to look in the mirror.

Smalltown RN said...

Well thank you for dropping by my blog. Dyslexia...crazy topic. I have no idea why I chose to write about it today but I am glad I did. Dyslexia also fed my low self esteem issues. I am not smart I can't do this blah blah blah....if I kept listening to myself talk that way I never would have achieved what I did,nor would have you.

Our lives are very parallel. I just did my divorce later than you.

Don't let fear hold you back from anything. I have to tell myself that everyday. Need to do the positive talk thing.

Hey and don't fear the ACLS thing. You'll do it as I will in the spring. I look at it this way...I have managed to get myself into being an ICU nurse I must know something, and so do you!!!

Cheers my friend...all the best

Becky said...

Iris-
You do have beautiful eyes! And I love your red hair. Your eyes & hair really pop against each other. :o) Oh, and one more thing... you have a beautiful smile!