This is worst form of apology that a person can try to offer. It is the most insincere form I can think of. By using the word "but" after the I'm sorry, negates the whole apology all together. The stuff that follows the "but" is always justification for the wrong doing in the first place, therefore, the person is not truly sorry. If wanting to make your point and justify your actions, then just forgo the "I'm sorry" part. If there is part of the action or the reaction that you are truly sorry for, you need to use the form below and be intrinsically clear as to what it is that you are apologizing for. Then, that for which you are not sorry, may then be discussed and your point can then be made, independent of the apology.
I know we have all experienced this, have done this. It leaves the person that is being apologized to feeling even less important than if you had said nothing at all. Apology is something that should never be entered into lightly, since if you feel the need to make an apology, you have done something that has hurt another human being.
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"I'm sorry, but . . . I didn't know you would be so sensitive!" "but . . . I didn't think you'd mind." Yeah, I hate the "but" too.
That doesn't mean though that in some cases an explanation shouldn't be offered for the offense. An honest explanation might make the offense understandable and acceptable. An excuse simply makes the apology meaningless!
I think often when there is a but the person offering the apology isn't always clearly understanding why the other person is hurt. This is why it's so important for us to communicate clearly. Which isn't always easy to do. Suffice to say we should not apologize until we make sure we know what we are apologizing for! I recently did apologize to someone and I really was very unclear as to what I was apologizing about and they basically told me to go to hell. At which point all communication shut down and I never did clearly understand what happened. So it was fruitless and actually in the end harmful to apologize at that point in time. Though I certainly meant well. Anyway as usual things go right back to communication. We humans sure are a complicated bunch eh?
The but drives me insane. My dh uses it ALL the time... "I'm sorry but YOU did this..." and somehow ends up wanting me to take responsibility for his faulty actions.
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