When I am happy...

...I see the world as full of opportunity and promise

...the daily challenges are faced with optimism

...my children are joys to behold

...everything seems possible

...I can see my own self worth

...I love myself

and today

...I am happy

When will I get it right

He said he loved me, but......I just didn't obey his commands. He bullied, pushed, tried to force me to obey. My spirit crushed, depression set in. He said he loved me but....I was too lazy, too anti-social, too withdrawn. He wanted me to be light, and happy...the perfect wife, mother, hostess, and still to be under his oppressive rule. In my attempt to find my happiness, I embarked on a career dream. Then, he said he loved me, but.......I was now too independent and didn't need him anymore. He left, he said, before I could leave him.

I rebuilt. Took my career and ran. Tried to build my family without help. Tried to do it all myself. I was lonely. So sure no one would love me again.

He loved me, he truly did, and I loved him. The love of my life. But...he had secrets he didn't share. We lived in different worlds. The relationship could not survive in this. He loved me, I loved him, but.......fear kept us apart.

I went on, trying to find myself. Trying to heal and be strong. Trying to survive. I was so horribly lonely. Knowing no one could love me the way he did. Knowing I had lost the love of my life. Never would that emptiness be filled.

I didn't love him, but.....he was a companion. We shared interests. I didn't love him, but.....he filled a void. He was not good for me, or my kids. I didn't want to fail another relationship....but, I didn't love him. He became withdrawn, as did I. Resentful of each other. He of me because I was more successful at my career than he was. Me of him because I wanted a partner, someone to help me with my family, someone that maybe I could grow to love. But, I didn't love him. I tried to tell myself that I did, but......I didn't love him. I had to cut him loose.

I carried on with my life. Alone again. My children emotionally damaged...I tried to repair....it was so hard.....too hard.....I wanted so badly to just have a happy family.

He said he still loved me, after all the years apart. He said he still loved me, but.....he had to tell me his secrets now. I understood his secrets, forgave him for not telling me sooner. He loved me, I loved him. There was a long journey ahead, one that would see us together along the way. He loved me, and I loved him. A second chance to be with the love of my life. The emptiness filled. The love of my life with me. Not lonely, so happy, together to make a life. Then, he loved me, but......I needed to make changes. Changes that were for the good of all of us. I embraced those ideas, tried to make them work.....not really knowing how. Needing so much direction, encouragement, learning. He loved me, but.....the children so damaged....so hard to get them to change. He loved me, I loved him, but......I couldn't make the changes. He loved me, but.....there were so many pressures from everywhere. No more secrets, no more fear, but.....he couldn't stay. He says he still loves me, tells me every day. I know I love him, the love of my life...I know I will never love another.......but,

I failed again. Failed myself. Failed my children. Failed the love of my life.

Well.............

Would you believe me if I said I did start running and I just got back?? No?? Didn't think so.

I didn't get up the nerve. I feel like a failure....

My sisters ran in the Run for the Cure in September, and I feel awful that I didn't do it with them. Next year, I will....

In 12 days, I will have my inspiration and support team. The love of my life is coming to live with me. He has promised to get me out, to keep me company, to help me be the best I can be. I will keep you informed.

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life.........

I have been trying for a few months now to psych myself up to start a new fitness program. I find excuse after excuse after excuse to NOT do it. I had it all set in my head that I was going to start when I went on vacation to my mom's cabin. Well my mom's sister has turned a corner in her illness and my mom had to go to spend the rest of the time my aunt has left with her. So my vacation to the cabin had to be put aside for this year. Just another good excuse for me to not leap forward and get started. I already have in mind what I want to do.....

I want to run

My sisters both started running and have touted to me the wonderful feelings it invokes. I want to feel those wonderful things. I want to expend all this energy I feel building up inside me, manifesting itself into a restlessness, a nervousness that makes me almost feel like jello inside. I want to feel spent and feel my heart pounding in my chest, getting stronger and healthier with each beat. I want to feel good. I want to be healthy of body, mind and soul. I have a new life starting soon, with an amazingly wonderful man, and I want to be healthy and live a long time with him. I need to be healthy.

I am not unhealthy, I am overweight. I have no chronic health problems.....yet. There is a family history of diabetes, cancer, and even some heart disease. I need to make some physical changes and take control of my own health. I don't want to end up being 50 and needing to take handfuls of medications every day. I have overcome so many of the mental things. I no longer need medications for depression. I have found my self worth, and I think it is in finding this self worth that I have this need to take care of my body. Only one problem....

I have a fear of being outside alone.

It is not gripping fear. It isn't as though I can't go outside. But it does seem, the longer I am outside alone, the more the panic and the need to get INSIDE gets. I go places alone. I can easily go from the house to the car to work or wherever I need to go. As long as I have a clear path and know where I am headed. If I go outside to do anything, I am constantly looking over my shoulder and feeling increasingly nervous, until I just go inside. I need to figure out where this is coming from. I have been like this for over 20 years.

So, tomorrow, I am going to just try to suck it up, and go out and do it. I need to start small with the running anyway, so, I am just going to go out, run until I start to feel nervous, then run home, and then hopefully increase my running time and my tolerance for being outside. If anyone has any suggestions, I would love the help and some encouragement as well.

I have been neglecting this forum lately.....

And I am happy to say that I believe it is because my feelings of self worth have been elevated as of late. I noticed that the focus of this blog had shifted from my own journey to a focus on relationships. I have been in a healthy relationship now for a while. A truly healthy relationship where there is wonderful, meaningful communication, mutual respect, unconditional love, a degree of give and take that is unparalleled. Where we tell each other every day, several times a day, "I love you, you are important to me and I am so very lucky to have you"...and we both truly believe it.

Unlike the past relationships we have both endured, there is no, "I don't sleep with you often because then when I do, you appreciate it more", there is no, "Didn't we already do that?" when trying to kiss the other. There is no waiting for the other shoe to fall, walking on eggshells, feelings of impending doom. There is no wondering, "Is this the day the relationship is over?"

My man, and I have both been through some stuff in the past. We both carry baggage. We are both well aware of our baggage, we are aware of each others baggage and are willing to help carry that baggage. Isn't that is what a relationship should be all about? Accepting the person just as they are, and loving them for only that??

I once read something that really rings true to me.....in all my relationships, and is something I must remember in this new one, and something I must share with my man so he understands it too....

"A woman marries a man
thinking she can change him
but she can't

A man marries a woman
thinking she will never change
but she does"

I have changed so much over the years. I will continue to change. I hope always for the better. I will also never look at my man like a "work in progress"....I can only see him as an evolving masterpiece, a vision of perfection, no matter what metamorphosis takes place.

Relationships.....when to stay, when to go..

It is always such a difficult question when faced with pain, tension, stress in a relationship. To know what road to take. To even acknowledge that one has a choice. We all have choices, free will. When there is pain, the choices are hard to make. The thought processes become muddied. The emotions overtake the logical mind and people make choices and decisions that perhaps are not the best ones for them.

The thing to remember is, the decision to leave can be made unilaterally. If one person decides to leave, there is really nothing the other can or even should do, to try to stop it. The person making that choice may or may not have entered into it with eyes wide open, but there is really nothing the other person can do to open their eyes. It is something that just needs to be accepted. The person who is struggling with that decision should, in all actuality, step back and make sure that it is really and truly the road they want to take, since once started down it, it is really difficult to turn around and go back. The path becomes so littered with broken dreams, broken promises, broken hearts, that navigating your way back is almost impossible. You may make it part way back....you may even make it all the way back, but you will be so battle scarred and changed that what you find when you get back, is not at all what you expected. It is a treacherous road.

The decision to stay and work it out has to be made by both. One cannot decide to work on the relationship and the other just be passive. It takes hard work to stay. It takes being able to look into yourself and into your relationship and come out with a new understanding of each other. A lot of pain has to be re-visited and dealt with. It isn't easy, and it doesn't always work out. Sometimes, at the end of all that work, the decision to leave still has to be made.

It is wonderful when even through the difficulties that a relationship can bring, the underlying reasons that brought the two people together in the first place are still there, and both people can still see them as worth fighting for. I have found someone like that.....finally.

A Sad Day in My History

Stop by my other blog today to see my post about this day....

Did I Just Say That OUT LOUD????

Still searching for peace and enlightenment.....

I have been away a while. I took a small vacation away from the children and went to visit the most amazing man in my world. I always feel so wonderful when I am with him. He looks at me in a way that makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. He loves me so unconditionally. He lifts my spirit and lightens my heart in ways that I have not experienced since he and I were together many years ago. It is good to be with him.

I have some good friends as well. Friends who will tell me exactly what they are thinking, feeling....they will tell me when I have my head up my butt and actually help me pull it out. I cherish those friends. Even though it has been years since I have actually had the fortune to sit down with either of them face to face over a bottle of tequila. We keep up a friendship online through email and chat programs.

My family is a few hours away from me. I miss them and try to spend time with them when I can. My mother was just here for a few days, helping with the kids while I was away, and stayed on to visit. I love her dearly, but I find our time together can be so strained. I feel like she still thinks I am twelve years old. She comes in and takes over my home, rather than just being here and enjoying the time together. I find it difficult to have her in my home, and that makes me sad.

I am fortunate to have wonderful people in my life. My life is full. I have four healthy children and I, myself, have my health. Yet.....I am still searching for that inner peace and enlightenment.....

Will be away for a few days........

Go check out my other blog, Did I Just Say That OUT LOUD???? Post a comment on my 100th post there, and go ahead and ask me some questions on my Open Forum.

Will see you back here after April 24th!

The Sadness Lifted Quickly....

The last post did seem rather dismal. I have been working like a fool lately, and so I haven't had the time to formulate an articulate post here. I fear this one may not be exactly it either, but that is okay.

The sadness I was feeling over the last weekend lifted quickly. For me this was a very good thing, very very important that those blue feelings do not linger long. My past struggles with depression have been difficult, so the fear of dropping back into that is very frightening. I have been medication free for over 4 years, and that is important to me. But as much as I do not want to be medicated again, I would do it in a heartbeat if I needed to. Not everyone can go off of the medications, and there is nothing wrong with that. But for me, I needed to be off of them.

But my sadness has gone. And things are looking rosier...soon I will be travelling to visit my friend and have a little R&R away from my crazy home and wild kids.

Feeling the ebb of sadness washing up on my shores again

It may be that it is Easter, and save for my youngest child, I am spending it alone. I have not ventured to church in many years, and that makes me feel displaced. My family is all scattered and spending the holiday with their own, not as a group. My love is far away, and could not be here right now.

I did not colour eggs. I did not buy stuff for baskets except for a chocolate bunny for each child. I just do not have the spirit to do it. I feel like a failure as a mother, as a human being at times. I feel that I am just barely existing at times in this life. Like I don't have the tools to take care of the things most people take for granted.

Last year at Easter, it was a large family gathering. It was my mother's 75th birthday. I was in attendance with my four children, the man I was living with, my three step-children. I was living this charade of a large, happy family. Everyone commented on how wonderful my family was. I smiled and nodded. Never letting on how unhappy we were.......not even to myself. Not wanting to admit that I had failed, had made a poor choice. Not wanting to hurt children that I loved so dearly ... loved as my own. Not wanting my family to feel that I was to be pitied for another failed relationship.

Life is happier now. On the whole. It is less tense for sure. It is not perfect yet. It will get there. But for today, I am just sad. And feeling sad always scares me a little, because of my history of depression. The utter terror of ever going down that dark road again makes my heart stop. I believe I am in tune to my own body enough to know when it goes beyond being sad to being depressed, but one never knows for sure......

Anger and Resentment: Identifying It and Owning It

The first step to letting go of anger is to identify it. Know what it is that is truly making you angry about a situation. Anger can be a blinding emotion. When you are angry about something, often that anger can be directed at anyone in your path. This is really not constructive anger, and it can hinder relationships with many people.

For example, when my first husband left me.....I was angry. I lashed out at him, my children, his family, my family, myself. Then after he got remarried, a lot of my anger was directed at his new wife, for reasons I will not go into here. Needless to really say, that marriage has since dissolved as well. I was destructive and damaging. It was not a good situation at all. I carried that anger with me for a really really long time. A while ago I decided to really reflect on that anger. I asked God to please help me let go of it, as it seemed to consume me. I realized that a lot of my anger was at myself. I finally admitted to myself that I was not blameless in the breakdown of the marriage. I made some fatal mistakes. Of course, so did he, and it was the accumulation of mistakes that lead to the final break up.

It was in the realization of what I was really angry about, that finally set me free of that anger. When I owned the anger, embraced it and admitted it, I could finally set it free. And by setting it free, it in turn set me free.

It is the key to freedom from debilitating anger and resentment, to identify it and own it.

Resetting the Internal Set Points

Starting today, I am trying to find a way to reset my internal clock so to speak. I have fallen into a habit of using my size and weight to limit myself in how I think and what I do. I have been sucked into this vortex of the catch 22. My depression depleted my energy levels, then I started to gain weight. Then the weight held me back from doing the things I needed to do to boost my energy. My energy levels dropped even further, causing more weight gain. Throw a few pregnancies, a few more dips into depression, and you find yourself in a very low energy situation.

I am trying to find ways to boost my energy. I know sitting here blogging and watching TV in my bedroom is not contributing positively. One of my biggest issues is not really liking being outdoors. I am not sure if this is a low level agoraphobia or if it is more just a manifestation of the years of wanting to hide myself away from the world.

I feel vulnerable when I am out in the open. When I am outdoors, especially alone. I believe it is something about not being able to control my surroundings completely. Being open and exposed for the world to see and scrutinize. It is an uncomfortable feeling for me. I have always hidden myself. I hide under bulky clothing, I hide under my personality, I hide under my weight. I find it difficult to expose the real me to people. Even here, where I write these editorials. I want so much to lay it all out in the open. Strip myself naked and just let the world see what I really am. But even here I hide. I hide behind my words. I hide behind my insight and intelligence. People comment to me, saying I am so real, so raw, so open, and yet, I know I am still hiding.

There is truly only one person in this world who has seen the real me. And not because I really wanted to show him, but because he looked for me. He has taught me much about myself. Shown me strengths that I never knew I had. Given me courage to shed some of my armour and start letting myself be vulnerable and open. He doesn't expect me to change, he only wants me to discover myself, and love myself for who I am. He wants me to be proud of who and what I am, just as I am. I am starting that journey today. Baby steps..............

I am sorry, but.......

This is worst form of apology that a person can try to offer. It is the most insincere form I can think of. By using the word "but" after the I'm sorry, negates the whole apology all together. The stuff that follows the "but" is always justification for the wrong doing in the first place, therefore, the person is not truly sorry. If wanting to make your point and justify your actions, then just forgo the "I'm sorry" part. If there is part of the action or the reaction that you are truly sorry for, you need to use the form below and be intrinsically clear as to what it is that you are apologizing for. Then, that for which you are not sorry, may then be discussed and your point can then be made, independent of the apology.

I know we have all experienced this, have done this. It leaves the person that is being apologized to feeling even less important than if you had said nothing at all. Apology is something that should never be entered into lightly, since if you feel the need to make an apology, you have done something that has hurt another human being.

Art and Anatomy of Apology

So often in life people apologize for things without really meaning it. In fact, in our culture we are so used to saying "sorry" for every little thing, that it has somewhat lost its meaning.

To make a meaningful apology one has to make sure to include all the parts.....the anatomy.

The first part of the apology is where you state that you are sorry and adjunct to that, exactly what it is you are sorry for. For example:

I am sorry for breaking your vase

Clear and to the point. But that is really not enough. You also have to acknowledge that you understand that it was wrong, inappropriate, hurtful, or whatever.

It was very irresponsible of me

Next you need to offer a way to make it better. A compensation. This will not fix the wrong, but does at least show that you do care about the other person's feelings.

Let me try to replace it or fix it for you

And finally, you need to finish up with a statement of intent to not repeat the offense. This is the way to show that you truly understand the impact of what you did and that you have enough regard and respect for the person to not want to ever cause that discomfort again.

I will be much more careful in the future

When all these parts are put together with sincerity and eloquence, the apology is much more heartfelt and it is received much more readily. It is those things that make it an art.

Forgiveness

One of the steps on this journey for me is to forgive myself for past mistakes and poor decisions. And also to forgive others for past mistakes that may have affected me.

I have done a lot of the latter. I have long forgiven my parents for their shortcomings when I was growing up. I recognize that they did the best they could with what they were given. Especially my mother. I love my mother. I make some jokes at her expense. I get upset with her from time to time for her way of reacting to things, but by and all....I love her. I love her strength, she had endured so much. I love her generous nature, she will give whatever she can to help out anyone. I love her for the way she raised me. She was not perfect, by far. But she did work hard, and she gave me everything I ever needed.....not always what I wanted......but always what I needed. She had a very difficult childhood. Far more difficult than I ever had for sure. But she has risen above and raised five children that are good, decent human beings.

My father, rest his soul, had a difficult life as well. He was plagued by depression and alcoholism. He was not the kind of alcoholic that you often hear about. He provided for his family always, he never hit anyone, he was loving and kind. But a lot of the time when he was drinking, he was emotionally unavailable. But I still loved him dearly. He was easy to love, really, even for all of his faults. I have forgiven him.

My first ex-husband and I together made a lot of mistakes and poor decisions. I do not hold him solely to blame for our marriage not working out. We each had our role in it. If I only tell my side, you will think him a bad person, and really, he was not. We were just really bad together. Having gotten together as teenagers, and neither of us being able to mature and grow from that point to make a mature marriage. I had my own demons of depression to deal with, and he didn't understand those either. But I have forgiven him for it all. I have learned from it and have changed my life in some very positive ways because of it. He and I are now able to be friends. We provide a united front for the children, we parent these children effectively, and that is so important. He is supportive of me and my new/old relationship, and I support him in his endeavours. We are very lucky as not many divorced couples can aspire to that.

My last relationship ended rather badly. We were not married, but we share a son. The relationship was a mistake. We both knew it, neither of us strong enough to admit it or do anything about it. Forgiveness will take time. Not sure if he will ever forgive me. Or I him.

I have forgiven myself though, for things in my past. Things I am not overly proud of, but realize were necessary in order to be where I am today. I have forgiven myself for not being perfect. I have forgiven myself for poor decisions that have impacted others, and I have made my apologies the best that I can. I do not seek forgiveness from those I have hurt, since just because I am sorry, does not mean that they have the obligation to forgive me. I have to be happy with just self forgiveness.

Of course, there are things that I am not sorry for. Standing up for myself, not allowing myself to be hurt anymore. I am not sorry for severing relationships that were damaging to me. I am not sorry for putting myself first for the very first time in my life. I am not sorry for taking care of ME.

TODAY: what I like about me.........I am happy.

Abuse

From Wikipedia:

"Abuse is a general term for the use or treatment of something (person, thing, idea, etc.) that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person or thing, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) or is unlawful or wrongful. Its close synonyms are mistreatment and maltreatment. The word "misuse" has a more distant meaning of incorrect, uneducated use, not necessarily harmful to a person.

Abuse can be something as simple as damaging a piece of equipment through using it the wrong way, or as serious as severe maltreatment of a person. Abuse may be direct and overt, or it may be disguised and covert."

Those are some pretty specific definitions of the term abuse. It would seem that there should be no mistaking it or misunderstanding of what abuse is. But it is not quite so cut and dried.

We all know of people who are in abusive relationships. We look at them and wonder, "how can they let themselves be treated in such a negative way". The thing with abuse is, it usually comes about rather slowly. What I mean is, you don't go out on a first date with some guy and somewhere in that first date he hits you, or calls you a "fat, lazy bitch" and you just say, "I love him so much, I will just put up with that". It is usually gradual and methodical.

Abuse takes on the personality of a chameleon. It blends into the relationship so seamlessly at first that the victim often doesn't even see it. The odd uncomfortable word here or there, a gentle push, ... then escalating to more increasing inappropriate responses to situations until the full blown abuse starts.

Not all abuse is physical. Emotional abuse is very real. Both have physical and emotional manifestations that are detrimental. Both do major damage that can take a lifetime to repair.

Another thing about abuse is how the victim perceives it. It is a personal threshold as to what a person will take and from whom. For some people they will accept rude behaviour from a stranger, but not from anyone closer than that. Others will be quite the opposite, accepting rude behaviours from a loved one, yet not from the store clerk. And what an outsider may or may not see is not necessarily what the person in the situation sees.

Having suffered different abuses over my lifetime, I like to believe I am a pretty good judge and can spot an abusive person a mile off. I have vowed never to allow myself to ever be abused again. I will not allow myself to be physically hurt. I make that very clear very early in a relationship, that if he were to ever strike me, even once, that would be an instant deal breaker and there would be police involved. I will not allow myself to be emotionally demeaned. There is to be no defamation of character, no "jokes" where I am the punch line, no name calling. Those too would be met with great resistance. There is no room for engaging in any activity that feels uncomfortable or is degrading or demeaning. If someone says something or does something to you that leaves you feeling like less of a human being, that is abuse, plain and simple.

I will never be victim of abuse again............

Trust

What does trust mean? We hear and use the word so often in our daily lives, but what does it really mean? It means to hand over the power you hold in a situation and let someone else hold that power. To trust in someone is to believe that they have your best interest at heart.

I am a very trusting person. I have never really been suspicious of people's behaviours. I have always projected my own behaviours onto other people. If I wouldn't possibly think to break a trust, neither would they, right?

As we all know, this is not always the case. Promises and trusts are broken every minute of every day. People are hurt, and disappointed. In some cases they are even harmed physically. Trust is a very powerful tool, and one shouldn't enter into it lightly.

When there is someone in your life that has proven time after time without fail that they can be trusted with your most intimate secrets, your physical well being, and your emotional stability, you are a lucky person. But you are also a very vulnerable person, because by giving them that trust, you give the the power to destroy you as well.

To trust and be trusted are very wonderful things....don't ever take that too lightly.

To thine own self, be true

This is a quote I have always loved. It is what I aspire to. I have tried to instill this in my children as well. For them to find within themselves that which truly makes them happy and pursuing it with vigor. It is what I have always wanted for myself as well.

I have always admired those people who have been able to do this and make no apologies for it. They live their lives according to their own set of rules while still maintaining the universal law of Live and Let Live. I am not speaking of people who cause harm and pain to others in order to fulfill some perverse pleasure. I am talking about those people who love and accept themselves and make no apologies for such, even if others do not.

I am in such a situation at present. Life has presented me with an opportunity to fulfill a dream, a happiness that I thought was lost forever. The dilemma and the point in which most people seem to dwell on is that this opportunity arose around the same time as another change occurred in my life. The life change that happened first, just paved the way for this opportunity. Almost as if God Himself were the chess master and those of us involved were merely the pawns. I am a believer in God and that He has a definite plan for us. Who am I to mess with that?

There are people in my life who feel the need to impose their opinions about my opportunity and life change on me. I am not sure what they hope to achieve with this? Do they hope that I will look at them and promptly change my course of action? Do they think that I will look at their life course and feel envious that mine has been so fraught with trials and tribulations? Do they feel that I am unaware of the poor choices I have made in the past and that maybe I should just do my penance and never feel joy again? Do they not know that every bad choice, every good choice, every decision, experience, and action has made me who I am.

The person standing before them, the person I am, is the culmination of everything I have experienced, whether it be from choices I have made for myself or choices that have been inflicted upon me. The belief system I subscribe to, the moral code I live by, the personal law I abide by all had evolved over time. It has changed and grown. Not everyone is like that, and that is okay. There are people who have lived by the same set of rules and morals all their lives, making every choice based on that moral code...and there is nothing at all wrong with that...it takes a lot of strength and conviction to be true to that. It also takes strength to be able to change the things that are not working. In either case, the ultimate goal is to be true to yourself. That is what I intend to do. I will no longer make excuses for wanting to be happy. I will not apologize for seizing the opportunity that eluded me six years ago. I will not be ashamed of the situations that were not ideal, for those situations all taught me something, and those lessons are all what were needed to bring me to this point. This point of being on the brink of finding immense joy and fulfillment. Of embarking on yet another adventure, only this time with eyes wide open, fully aware of what I need and want to achieve. To have found a mate who sees all of the flaws I see, yet, does not see them as flaws, but as enhancements, as beauty, as perfection. I will make no apologies for finding the one thing that every person aspires to......to love and be loved for exactly who you are.

TODAY what I like about me: my strength and adaptability.

A word about love

Happy Valentine's Day

Being in love is one of the most wonderful feelings in the world. You feel giddy, and light. Everything looks right with the world. We all know there are many types of love as well. The most profound being that of unconditional love.

Most people think of unconditional love as the kind of love you have for another human being. A parent for a child, or child for parent. A woman or man for their spouse. This kind of love you feel when you know that no matter what happens, you will still love that person.

But the most uncommon thing I have ever encountered is Unconditional Self Love. Very few people love themselves unconditionally. To do this one has to accept their own limitations, accept the flaws, accept the whole package and love it just the way it is. Unconditional love also means loving despite any changes that may occur.

It is this unconditional self love that I am striving to achieve here in this blog. I have come such a long way in the short time since I started this exercise. I am so much more comfortable in my own skin, happier with myself and my interactions with others. I still have some way to go, but I am happy with my progress.